“I don’t want an apology, I want you to suffer enough that I feel better.”
“I keep a mental archive of every time you hurt me, but somehow forget every time I hurt you.”
“My pain is my favourite weapon. If I can convince everyone I’m the victim, nobody will ask what I did.”
“I don’t forgive people — I collect their mistakes and bring them back whenever I need control.”
“I can insult you, betray you, and cross…
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Is a Woman Required to Accept Wedding Invitations?
Question:
Is it obligatory for women to accept wedding invitations? I read that whoever does not accept an invitation has disobeyed Allah and His Messenger ﷺ, or something similar to that. This is especially regarding invitations to weddings of relatives or friends. However, there will be some wrong things taking place at the wedding, and if we do not attend, it…
For example, if a woman believes that gold jewellery must have zakah paid on it, while her husband does not believe this, and he tells her not to pay zakah on her jewellery, she must still pay it. She
Likewise, if a woman does not believe a certain act is recommended, but her husband believes it is recommended, she does not have to do that act as a form of worship simply because he wants her to or to please him. Acts of worship require evidence from the Shariah.
However, a woman should be wise. She should not openly challenge her husband over matters where she is not required to obey him. If she disagrees, she…
To What Extent Is a Wife Required to Obey Her Husband?
Enquiry:
My wife uses social media and shamelessly displays her name on her profile picture. I’ve asked her several times to change it to something more discreet, as I’m concerned about protecting her from fitnah and also to ease my ghayrah. Her name is quite unique, so I’m uncomfortable with her identifying herself publicly on open platforms. However, she…
A sister writes:
I‘m an Arab woman who married a German convert at the age of 18. My family is not religious so they didn’t care about the ethnicity of my spouse. I grew up in the west and I’m not so much in touch with my culture or my language, since it has never been taught to me.
Another thing is, a lot of people in my family and ethnic group have some non Islamic views that influence and also hurt people’s…
A sister writes:
When I say “a brother from back home,” I want to clarify what I mean. Technically, I am a Westerner, an African American woman born and raised in America. I am also currently married to a West African, specifically a Gambian.
For me, choosing a brother from “back home” was not about romanticizing another culture or believing one group of people is perfect. It came from my own lived experiences and…
A sister writes:
قال النبي ﷺ: ((فاظفر بذات الدين تربت يداك‏))
“Seek the one with deen, may your hands be in the dust if you fail to do so.”
He did not say the one from back home.
It was never made a condition for righteousness.
قال الله تعالى في سورة الحجرات: {إن أكرمكم عند الله أتقاكم}
“Verily, the most honourable of you with Allah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwa [i.e. one of the Muttaqun]”
A…
The Difference Between Khalwah and Travelling Without a Maḥram
Sheikh Uthaymin rahimahullah said:
All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds. May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family, his Companions, and those who follow them in goodness until the Day of Judgement.
A woman does not become a maḥram for another woman, but having another woman with her does remove the situation of khalwah…
Emotional Challenges Faced by a Second Wife in Polygyny
Enquiry:
What are your thoughts on this statement: "In polygyny, the second wife serves as a correctional tool, the moment the first wife acts the way the husband desires, she is abandoned."?
Response:
The statement appears to be driven more by emotion than by reality. It mixes a partial truth with a harmful and unjust generalisation, and it needs to be…
Marriage Without Consummation
Enquiry:
I was wondering if there is a time limit for consummating marriage. If a couple has not had sexual intercourse yet (but both are happy) and may have been married for over a year, does this affect any rulings?
Response:
There is no fixed time limit in Shariah for when a marriage must be consummated. So if a husband and wife delay intercourse after marriage, the marriage itself…
Can a Wife Refuse Intimacy Due to Emotional Harm?
Enquiry:
Can a wife refuse intimacy if she is experiencing emotional harm because of the way her husband treats her during intimacy?
Advice:
The husband may be sinful for how he’s approaching her.
The hadith commanding obedience with marital rights isn’t unconditional - the curse applies when the wife has no valid excuse.…
Preparing for Marriage in a Hypersexualised Society
I remember it as though it were yesterday. During one of the general lessons in Dammaj, someone sent a note to Sheikh Yaḥyā requesting that he begin teaching Tuḥfat Al-ʿArūs—a comprehensive guide covering matters related to marriage, including the rights of spouses and marital relations.
The Sheikh's response regarding studying the finer details of marital…
Marry a woman who will wash your dirty laundry, not one who will hang it in the marketplace for everyone to see.
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Unable to Have More Children: Is It Wise to Suggest Polygyny?
Enquiry:
I've reached a point where I don't feel capable of having or raising more children. Because I know my husband still desires a larger family, I have considered suggesting that he marry another woman who would be willing to have children with him. How should I approach this matter, and what you would advise?
Advice:
The decision to stop having…
1. You raise an issue.
2. He apologises.
3. He promises change.
4. Change lasts briefly.
5. The issue returns.
6. The conversation repeats.
This has continued for years.
At some point the problem is no longer communication.
You have already communicated.
Very clearly.
Many times.
The issue becomes whether the person is willing and able to consistently act upon what has been discussed.
6⃣. Could there be an…
Losing Attraction to Partner Due to Persistent Hygiene and Intimacy Issues
Enquiry:
Many wives suffer in silence. One woman said: "My husband is kind and generous, but I'm too embarrassed to tell him about his body odor and messy look. I've tried hinting, but he doesn't get it."
Another sister said: "Over time, I have found my attraction diminishing. The hygiene and grooming issues play a significant role in…
Men Suffer Abuse Too
A lot of people don’t think domestic abuse can happen to men.
You might laugh, but domestic violence towards men is a real thing.
A partner may start by testing the waters to see if they can get away with certain things.
Spitting…
If they get away with that, they might start yelling.
If they get away with that, they might start hitting.
If they get away with that, they might start…
