𝗪𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻'𝘀 𝗕𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗳𝗶𝘁𝘀 (363)

I want to quit uni, but my father is threatening me! Question: She states in her message that she is a religious girl from an upright family. However, her problem lies in the fact that she is currently in her first year at university, and the university is free-mixed, with both male and female students. She inquires about the ruling on mixing with young men in this environment. She says she attempted to leave the university, but her father refused and became angry, saying: "If you leave the university, I will divorce your mother," or that he swore to divorce her mother if she left. He repeated this more than three times. So she asks: Is it permissible for her to disobey her father and leave the university? And would her mother's divorce be valid if she did so? Sheikh Ibn Baz rahimahullah: As for studying at free-mixed university, it is a source of fitnah and great evil. You are not allowed to study in such an environment because it poses a danger to your religion, your morals, and your honour. You must refrain from studying at a mixed university and safeguard your faith and dignity, even if your father becomes angry. This is because the Prophet ﷺ said: "Obedience is only in what is good." There is no obedience to a created being if it involves disobedience to the Creator. Your father, if he truly has protective jealousy, must fear Allāh and prevent you from attending such a university. He should not allow it, but rather prohibit it. This is what is required of a protective father and a protective mother. Your interaction with young men entails great danger. You are not allowed to intermingle with them, and you should remain at home. The knowledge you have acquired already is sufficient. There is no obedience to your father in this matter—just as if he were to command you to drink alcohol or commit adultery, there would be no obedience to him. Similarly, if he commanded you to go out without proper covering or to expose your head or anything of that nature, this would all be considered sinful, and obedience would not be due. As the Prophet ﷺ said: "Obedience is only in what is good." Allāh also said to His Prophet: "And that they will not disobey you in what is right" [Surah Al-Mumtaḥanah: 12]. And the Prophet ﷺ only commands what is good—for teaching and clarification. Free-mixing carries great harm and severe consequences, so fear Allāh and be cautious. Your father and mother must fear Allāh, the Almighty, and prevent you from this. Even if your father were to divorce your mother, it would not harm you, as Allāh may provide her with someone better. Obeying one's parents in matters of sin is not permissible. His threat of divorce does not make it obligatory upon you to continue your studies in a free-mixed university—even if he were to divorce your mother. We ask Allāh to guide everyone. Question: May Allāh bless you. But let us assume she does disobey her father—does the oath he made constitute an actual divorce? Sheikh: This matter involves some detail and should be referred to scholars. Her father should consult qualified scholars if she refrains from going to the university. If he merely said, "I have not divorced her" and that his statement was merely a threat, then nothing has occurred. For instance, if he said, "If you do not go to the university, I will divorce your mother," this is considered a warning or threat and does not constitute a divorce. However, if he said, "Upon me be divorce if you do not go to the university," then this requires further examination. If he intended to encourage her to go and frighten her, but she did not go, then he is required to offer expiation for breaking an oath. But if he explicitly intended that if she dies not go to the university, then her mother would indeed be divorced, then a single divorce takes effect, depending on his intention. However, if his intention was only to frighten her in order to prompt her to attend, then this is treated as an oath, and its ruling is the same as that of a broken oath.