𝗪𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻'𝘀 𝗕𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗳𝗶𝘁𝘀 (356)

Healthy Love vs. Excessive Jealousy Question: There are constant disputes between me and my husband, and the reason is my jealousy over him. I am deeply jealous and monitor his glances; if I notice even the slightest look—or what I perceive to be one—I become jealous. He always argues with me, saying that the kind of jealousy beloved to Allāh is that which concerns prohibited matters, whereas the type of jealousy I exhibit leads to divorce. I am not convinced by his words because I believe it is my right to be jealous over him, even if he did not intend anything. For context, he is a religious man, and I do not doubt his character. Please guide me as you see fit. May Allāh reward you. Sheikh Uthaymeen raḥimahullāh: I advise this woman to tone down her jealousy. It is natural for a woman to feel protective over her husband; such jealousy is often a sign of love. However, when jealousy becomes excessive, it turns into suspicion and distress rather than protective concern. Excessive jealousy can cause significant emotional strain. Therefore, I advise her to moderate her jealousy. At the same time, I also advise the husband to be grateful to Allāh Almighty for blessing him with a righteous wife who loves him, as mutual affection between spouses is one of the foundations of a happy life. Jealousy, within reason, is a natural and inevitable part of human relationships. One of the Mothers of the Believers once sent food to the Prophet ﷺ in a vessel while he was in the house of another wife. Upon seeing this, the wife in whose house he was became jealous, struck the Prophet’s hand, causing the vessel to fall and break, and the food to scatter. The Prophet ﷺ did not scold her. Rather, he said, “Your mother has become jealous,” or words to that effect. Then he took the food and vessel from the wife in whose house he was, and said, “A vessel for a vessel, and food for food,” and sent it with the servant to the other wife so she would not feel offended. This was a demonstration of the Prophet’s wisdom and consideration. The point is that jealousy among women is natural. I see it as a blessing from Allāh that a man has a wife who loves him to this degree. Nevertheless, I advise the woman to moderate her jealousy so as not to burden herself emotionally or act unjustly. And I advise the husband to thank Allāh for this blessing and allow it to deepen his love and care for his family. As for the matter of divorce, it should never be mentioned to a woman. When a man brings up divorce—even as a threat—it becomes a persistent thought in her mind, whether awake or asleep. This is a mistake. It is foolish for some men to mention divorce to their wives even as a means of intimidation. The devil can then plant this idea in her heart until it ultimately leads to separation, may Allāh protect us from that.