#LIFE_LESSONS

Six Things You Should Do When Someone Brings You Gossip Sheikh Dagash Al-Ajmi hafidhahullah said: "If a gossiper comes to you and repeats what someone else has said about you, or even if the person is not usually a gossip but, in this case, brings you such talk, what should you do? The scholars say that you should do six things when dealing with such a person. Pay attention, because if you do these six things, Shaytan will not come between you and your brothers, or between a husband and his wife, or between siblings, neighbours, relatives, and family members. First: Do not believe the gossiper. Why? Because a gossiper is sinful and has committed one of the major sins. The report of a sinful person is not accepted. The Prophet ﷺ said: "A gossiper will not enter Paradise." Second: Tell him to stop. Rebuke him, warn him, and scold him, because he has committed a major sin. You should make it clear that what he is doing is wrong and tell him not to do it. Third: Dislike what he is doing for the sake of Allah, because he has openly shown sin and wrongdoing in front of you. A person who openly commits sins should not be approved of. Fourth: Think well of your brother—the one whose words were reported to you. Have a good opinion of him and assume the best about him. Fifth: Do not let what the gossiper said lead you to spy on others, because that would make you fall into another forbidden act. Some people say, "I just want to make sure what he said is true," so they start searching, investigating, and spying on people. It may be that the person really did say something about you, but perhaps he said it casually in passing, without truly meaning it, or his words did not mean what they seemed to mean. As we say, Shaytan may have stirred him up, causing him to speak out of jealousy, pride, or a desire to put you down so that he could make himself look better. So do not investigate him or spy on him. He may have spoken a single word and then regretted it afterwards. But if you investigate and spy, you will destroy the relationship between yourself and your brother. Not only will you fall into the sin of spying, but you will also leave him no opportunity to take back what he said. Instead, you will only increase the resentment in his heart, your relationship will break down, and he may end up saying even more against you. This is what some people do—may Allah guide them. As soon as they hear that someone has said something about them, the hostility between them grows, and the hurtful words increase more and more. If they had stopped the matter the very first time, all of this could have been avoided. Sixth: Do not do what the gossiper himself did. What did he do? He carried tales from one person to another. So do not go back to the first person and say, "So-and-so said this about you," or, "He says this and that about me." You might say, "I'm only checking if it's true," but even if you want to check, do not mention the gossiper's name. If you mention his name, then you yourself have committed gossip by passing on what he said. You will have fallen into the very thing you are telling others not to do. Another important point, may Allah bless you, is to remember that the one who carries gossip to you will also carry gossip about you. Be certain that if someone's habit is to spread gossip and stir up trouble between people, then whatever you say to him, he will take it and pass it on to someone else. So what should you do? Be cautious of the gossiper. Allah, the Exalted, strongly condemned the gossiper when He said: "And do not obey every worthless habitual swearer, a slanderer, going about with malicious gossip." [68:10–11] Some scholars even mentioned in the books of tafsir that the person who constantly goes around spreading gossip is an illegitimate child—may Allah protect us and keep us safe. They said this because a person of noble character would never do such a thing.