𝗪𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻'𝘀 𝗕𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗳𝗶𝘁𝘀 (622)

To What Extent Is a Wife Required to Obey Her Husband? Enquiry: My wife uses social media and shamelessly displays her name on her profile picture. I’ve asked her several times to change it to something more discreet, as I’m concerned about protecting her from fitnah and also to ease my ghayrah. Her name is quite unique, so I’m uncomfortable with her identifying herself publicly on open platforms. However, she continues to refuse (may Allah guide her). Can you please offer some advice? Response: She is required to obey you in this matter, as it is ultimately for her own benefit. Generally speaking, a woman is required to obey her husband in all matters except what Allah has forbidden. The Prophet ﷺ said: ((لَوْ كُنْتُ آمِرًا أَحَدًا أَنْ يَسْجُدَ لِغَيْرِ اللَّهِ ، لَأَمَرْتُ الْمَرْأَةَ أَنْ تَسْجُدَ لِزَوْجِهَا ؛ وَالَّذِي نَفْسُ مُحَمَّدٍ بِيَدِهِ لَا تُؤَدِّي الْمَرْأَةُ حَقَّ رَبِّهَا ، حَتَّى تُؤَدِّيَ حَقَّ زَوْجِهَا)) “If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded a woman to prostrate to her husband. By the One in Whose Hand is the soul of Muhammad, a woman does not fulfill the rights of her Lord until she fulfills the rights of her husband.” It is also established from the hadith of Ali that the Prophet ﷺ said: ((لا طاعة في معصية الله)) “There is no obedience when it involves disobedience to Allah.” [Agreed upon] The Shariah doesn't even allow a woman to fast a voluntary fast while her husband is resident, except with his permission. Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet ﷺ said: (( لا يحل للمرأة أن تصوم، وزوجُها شاهدٌ إلا بإذنه، ولا تُدخِل في بيته إلا بإذنه)) “A woman should not fast while her husband is present except with his permission, and she should not allow anyone into his house except with his permission.” [Agreed upon] The Shariah also states that if a husband calls his wife to bed and she refuses without a valid reason, she commits a major sin. Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet ﷺ said: (( إذا دعا الرجل امرأته إلى فراشه فأبت لعنتها الملائكة حتى تصبح)) “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, the angels curse her until morning.” [Agreed upon] In another narration from Muslim: ((إلا كان الذي في السماء – أي: الله سبحانه- ساخطًا عليها، حتى يرضى عنها زوجها)). “The One above the heavens (meaning Allah) is angry with her until her husband is pleased with her.” These and many other evidences show the obligation of a wife obeying her husband. In fact, Shaykh Al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah (may Allah have mercy on him) stated that a woman’s obedience to her husband takes priority over her obedience to her parents. Also, Imam Ahmad (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked: “Can a woman visit her sick mother without her husband’s permission?” He did not allow it. Notice that this was her mother, and she was sick, yet Imam Ahmad still said she should not do so without her husband’s permission, based on the evidence mentioned. However, it should be understood that the relationship between husband and wife is based on what is considered reasonable and customary. A woman obeys her husband in matters that are recognised by good custom, and the husband must also treat her according to what is good and fair. He must provide for her in a proper way. Allah says: {وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ} “Live with them in kindness.” [4:19] And He says: {فَإِمْساكٌ بِمَعْرُوفٍ أَوْ تَسْرِيحٌ بِإِحْسانٍ} “Either keep them in a fair manner or release them with kindness.” [2:229] Another matter that should also be understood is that spouses may sometimes disagree on religious issues. For example, the husband follows one scholarly opinion, and the wife follows another. Does she have to obey him in that issue? The answer is: A wife does not obey her husband if he commands her to leave something she believes is a religious obligation.