You describe a cycle:

1. You raise an issue. 2. He apologises. 3. He promises change. 4. Change lasts briefly. 5. The issue returns. 6. The conversation repeats. This has continued for years. At some point the problem is no longer communication. You have already communicated. Very clearly. Many times. The issue becomes whether the person is willing and able to consistently act upon what has been discussed. 6⃣. Could there be an underlying issue? A possibility worth considering is that your husband may not simply be lazy. Some of what you describe can sometimes be associated with: > depression, > chronic low motivation, > executive functioning difficulties, > burnout, > certain neurodevelopmental conditions, > or other mental health struggles. I am not diagnosing him. But a man who: > struggles with basic self-care, > rarely initiates, > contributes little conversationally, > avoids planning, > and seems passive in many areas, may have something deeper occurring than mere carelessness. That possibility should be explored before assuming bad intentions. 7⃣. What should you do now? I would suggest a more formal approach. Not another general conversation. A serious conversation. Something along the lines of: "I am no longer asking whether you understand the issues. I believe you understand them. What concerns me is that they continue despite years of discussion. I need to know whether you are willing to make a concrete plan for change and follow through consistently." Be specific. Not: "Please improve hygiene." But: > Brush teeth morning and night. > Shower when needed. > Maintain grooming within agreed standards. > Schedule regular couple time. > Discuss intimacy openly. > Seek medical or psychological evaluation if appropriate. > Measurable actions are harder to avoid than vague promises. 8⃣. Should you stay or leave? Based solely on what you have written, I would not rush to seeking separation. You mention significant good qualities: > He is not abusive. > He is forgiving. > Communication is generally safe. > He provides. > He speaks kindly. > He helps with burdens. These are not small blessings. However, a wife gradually losing attraction, feeling emotionally alone, and fearing fitnah is a serious matter. If years continue to pass with no meaningful improvement despite sincere efforts, mediation from trusted righteous family members or knowledgeable people of Sunnah may become necessary. Allah says: "If you fear a breach between them, appoint an arbitrator from his family and an arbitrator from her family." Before considering separation, involve wise people who can assess the situation directly and hold him accountable in a way repeated private conversations have not. The key question is no longer whether he understands your concerns. It appears that he does. The question is whether he is willing—and perhaps whether he is able—to make sustained changes, and if not, what underlying factor is preventing that. May Allah guide your husband, soften both your hearts toward what is pleasing to Him, grant you fulfillment and tranquility in your marriage, and protect you from fitnah. Source: https://t.me/womensbenefits/1720