𝗪𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻'𝘀 𝗕𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗳𝗶𝘁𝘀 (418)

Gentle Advice to a Sister Regarding free-mixed Universities and Modesty Question: O Sheikh, how can I convince my sister that free-mixed universities are haram and contain great harms? She believes that free-mixing in pursuit of worldly knowledge is permissible. I am afraid to advise her because it might cause problems at home, and my parents are lenient on this matter. I want your words on how to advise her based on both textual evidence and reasoning. Sheikh ’Ammār Al-Ḥawbāni raḥimahullāh: In the Name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful Praise be to Allāh, who legislated for His servants what is best for their religion and worldly life. I bear witness that there is no deity but Allāh alone, without partner, and I bear witness that Muḥammad ﷺ is His servant and Messenger. May Allāh bless him, his family, and companions abundantly. First: The Principle of Advice and Gentleness My brother, may Allāh bless you. Know that sincere advice only bears fruit when it comes from a compassionate heart. Allāh says: “So by mercy from Allāh, [O Muḥammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you.” [Al-‘Imrān 3:159] Notice how Allāh made gentleness the means to unite hearts, and harshness the cause of repulsion. The Prophet ﷺ also said: “Gentleness is never found in anything without beautifying it, nor is it removed from anything without making it defective.” [Muslim] This means that anything approached with gentleness becomes better, and if gentleness is removed, it becomes flawed. Therefore, begin with your sister with words of love and compassion, not commands or harshness, so that your advice feels like care, not restriction. Second: Method of Persuasion Tell her, “My sister, seeking knowledge is honourable, and religion does not prevent you from seeking it. However, it must be knowledge that benefits you in the Hereafter. As for worldly knowledge, your ultimate path is likely to be marriage, where you will manage a household under the support of your husband. Why exhaust yourself pursuing knowledge that many other girls gain little from except wasted time?” Universities contain great evils; the end does not justify the means. Reflect on Allāh’s words: “And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way.” [Al-Isrā' 17:32] Allāh did not merely say “do not commit adultery,” but “do not approach it,” meaning close all doors that lead to it. How, then, can we accept a university that opens doors to seclusion, mixing, gazing, laughter, and flirtation? Remind her of the Prophet ﷺ’s ḥadīth: “When Allāh wishes good for someone, He gives him understanding of the religion.” [Agreed upon] Encourage her towards religious knowledge, as understanding the faith is the noblest and most enduring knowledge. Third: Harms of free-mixed Universities 1. Lowering the gaze: Allāh says: “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze…” [An-Nūr 24:30] “…and tell the believing women to lower their gaze.” [An-Nūr 24:3] A mixed environment makes observing modesty difficult. 2. Seclusion and interaction: The Prophet ﷺ said: “No man should be alone with a woman except with a mahram present.” [Agreed upon] This applies even in brief moments; how about studying together day after day? 3. Loss of modesty (ḥayā’): The Prophet ﷺ said: “Modesty does not bring anything but good.” [Agreed upon] Repeated mixing diminishes modesty, which is part of faith. 4. Imitating non-Muslims: The Prophet ﷺ said: “Whoever imitates a people is one of them.” [Abū Dāwūd] The Shari'ah emphasises separation even in the holiest places, such as prayer. Women’s best rows are the last; their worst rows are first (Muslim), to maintain modesty and distance. If this applies to mosques, worldly education is even more deserving of separation. Fourth: Dealing with Parents