💭Are you really looking for deen?

We review many profiles daily. We respect everyone’s right to list their requirements and preferences, but we are noticing a deeply concerning issue. We see many profiles stating: “My parents only wish for me to marry within my own ethnicity,” or “My parents don’t want me to engage in polygyny” and when some individuals expand on their preferences they only include their own ethnicity plus white or Arab backgrounds. This is often just a coded preference for pale/white skin. Such practices are from the traits of jahiliyyah which the Prophet ﷺ explicitly trampled under his feet. We speak about deen over culture yet we fail to separate Islamic legislation from cultural baggage. And the Qur’an will either be evidence for us or against us. “A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, and her religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” Sahih al Bukhari (5090), and this equally applies to women choosing their husbands. We love, respect, and honour our parents, and we must consider their advice and wisdom. However birr al walidayn does not mean blindly agreeing with them, we wouldn’t obey them if they asked us to drink or smoke, but we obey them in this because we refuse to see the harm in it. “If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and character pleases you, then marry him. If you do not do so, there will be tribulation on the earth and widespread corruption.” Jami’ at Tirmidhi (1084). Imagine if someone’s parents said, "You cannot marry someone short," or "You cannot marry someone with blue eyes” We would find that baseless, sah? Similarly, whether your spouse is Black, White, Arab, or Asian has absolutely no bearing on your parents' lives or their religion. If a parent rejects a suitor solely on skin tone or ethnicity they are acting on un-Islamic grounds and an adult Muslim is NOT Islamically obligated to obey this. Racism isn't just a modern issue as in Islamic history the very first sin committed was by Iblis, and it was based in the same mentality: "I am better than him; You created me from fire and created him from clay." (Surat al A'raf, 7:12). We often see brothers and sisters state, "I want to marry within my ethnicity to preserve my lineage”. But Allah did not command any of us to preserve our lineage. No tribe is sacred. If Allah wills, He can wipe your entire tribe off the earth. We see competent and righteous dark-skinned or non-Arab brothers and sisters who follow the Shariah to the best of their ability, but they are rejected based on their skin tone or their country of origin. Do you think your country is the best? We shouldn’t allow a corrupt, secular society to condition us into believing that only certain nationalities, skin tones or body types are worthy. Hiding behind cultural wishes or societal standards will only get you so far in this dunya. People spend years and years trapped in singlehood, missing out on righteous spouses, struggling to maintain their chastity and falling into zina left, right and centre simply because they are bound by these superficial shackles. "O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Aware." (Surat al Hujurat, 49:13) We justify ethnic restrictions by claiming we need cultural ease or familiarity to avoid friction. But for those of us born or raised in the UK or Europe in general, our daily lifestyle, language, and social environment are pretty identical. When two people commit to the manhaj of the Salaf, the ultimate culture is Islam itself; you pray the same way, fast the same way, and share the same moral boundaries. The minor differences that remain such as family traditions or cooking recipes are easily learned through basic adab. A marriage does not succeed because you eat the same food or speak the same dialect; it succeeds because both spouses fear Allah, respect one another's rights, and look at the world through the lens of the Sunnah. It doesn’t mean we can’t marry within your own ethnicity but rather it shouldn’t drive us to rejecting compatible suitors. Just as we address the issue of colourism, we must also address the sisters on unrealistic worldly demands. We see sisters demanding super tall men, or expecting a suitor to immediately provide a life of luxury. Marriage in Islam is a partnership built on growing together and it’s not a transaction to secure a luxury lifestyle. Furthermore, we see widespread ageism from both sides. Sisters refuse to marry slightly younger men, and brothers refuse to marry older women. Have we forgotten the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad ﷺ? He married our mother Khadijah RA when she was 15 years older than him. He was the very best of creation, the ultimate example for all mankind. If a several years of age difference was honourable enough for the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, who are we to reject a righteous believer over a small difference in age? A couple years difference will not make your spouse less righteous. On yawm al qiyamah we will stand alone before Allah. The excuse that so and so declined fulan or fulanah who possessed great deen and akhlaq because your parents told you to, or because society conditioned us to prefer baseless criteria, will not stand. We will be held fully accountable for the injustice of that rejection. We cannot pick and choose the aspects of Salafiyyah that are convenient to our nafs like wanting a man with a big beard or a woman in full niqab while holding onto cultural tribalism. If a righteous suitor comes forward, pray istikhara, consult the Qur’an and Sunnah, and have the courage to stand up for Islamic principles over cultural expectations. If you are struggling with this matter, reach out to us and we will most certainly help you as we intend much khair for our ummah. This is by no means a criticism of our parents; whom we ask Allah to preserve and bless. It’s a wake up call for us to fear Allah. If you are parent we ask you don’t make marriage difficult for your children. We intend for all marriages to be filled with mawaddah, rahmah and barakah for all our brothers and sisters here, and we want to see you build blessed, successful households rooted in the true Sunnah, not worldly vanity so you may attain Jannah إن شاء الله May Allah guide us, and you. May Allah forgive us, and you. Allah knows best. Forwarded