𝗠𝗲𝗻'𝘀 𝗕𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗳𝗶𝘁𝘀 (86)

Let Go of Unlawful Emotional Attachments Question: I have been afflicted with love for a married woman for about 25 years. She has been married for 28 years. I have come to love her deeply, and she occupies my thoughts constantly, to the point that I even supplicate to Allah during times when du‘a is answered, asking that He return her to me. This woman has been affected by sihr, has suffered hardship, and was humiliated by her husband’s father and mother. When she told my mother about what happened to her, I cried because of my strong attachment to her. She has children, some of whom are married. My question is: is it permissible for me to ask Allah during times of answered du‘a to return her to me? And what is your advice? Sheikh Abu Amr Al-Hajoori: What you are experiencing is from the manipulation of Shaytan over you. If there had been any good for you in this woman, Allah would have made it easy for you to be with her when she was young and at first stage. My brother, there are many women besides her—previously married and unmarried. Allah has not restricted you. This is from Shaytan’s deception, making a lover believe that there is no one in the world except this one woman, while in reality there are many women better than her in religion, character, and appearance. If she is a righteous and good woman, and nothing bad is known about her, then she is already married. So make du‘a that Allah reforms her situation with her husband. Be fully content—after 28 years, you are still thinking of her? This is obsession. Shaytan has played with you greatly. Perhaps if she were to separate from her husband or he were to die and you went to propose to her, you would not even be impressed by her. That is of she was still young. Many people are tested in this way; then when marriage happens, they do not even last a week or a month before disputes and fights arise, and then he regrets it completely. She is now an older married woman—after 28 years of marriage. If she married at 20, she is now around 50 years old, and she is likely past menstruation. Even if she were young, I advise you: this is from Shaytan. If there had been good for you in her, Allah would have facilitated it. Whatever Allah turns away from a servant is only because it is better for him. If you are married, be content with what Allah has given you. Your wife may be better in every way, but Shaytan beautifies what you do not have and makes what you do have look worse in order to push you into sin. If you are not married, then marry. Marry the best women. Allah says: ‘Then marry those that please you of women.’ Choose women of religion, good character, and righteousness. Even if you are married, there is no harm in marrying another lawful wife, young, virginn; if you are able, so that Shaytan does not distract you in this way. This is from Shaytan’s deception. Whoever follows his whispers is misled, and some people even reach the point of mental breakdown because of such obsessions. There are millions of women—she is not the only one. Ibn Al-Jawzi said in Sayd Al-Khatir: if a man were given all the women of Baghdad and then saw one woman, he would think she possesses something none of the others have. Shaytan beautifies her in your eyes until you may have seen her woman coming out of her husband's home covered up and shaytan makes her look like the most beautiful in the world in your eyes. This is from shaytan. So we advise you: do not ask Allah to return her to you. Praise Allah that He has turned her away from you. And since she has been affected by sihr, may Allah cure her. We advise you to marry. And if you are already married and wish to marry again, then who has forbidden you from marrying righteous, beautiful, and good women who will bring comfort to your eyes? Do not pursue what Allah has turned away from you. Whatever Allah turns away is only because it is better for you. Do not burden yourself chasing something Allah has removed from you and protected you from.