If you are going through a difficult time in your marriage, reflect over these 𝗯𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗹𝘆 𝗮𝗱𝘃𝗶𝗰𝗲𝘀:

1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘄𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿 The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: ((أَكْمَلُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ إِيمَانًا أَحْسَنُهُمْ خُلُقًا، وَخِيَارُكُمْ خِيَارُكُمْ لِنِسَائِهِمْ خُلُقًا)). “The most complete of believers in faith are those with the best character, and the best of you are the best in behavior to their women.” [Sunan At-Tirmidhī (1162) authenticated by Sheikh Albāni] Imām Ash-Shawkāni raḥimahullāh said: “You find a man displaying the worst character around his family; he behaves like a warrior and not much good is seen from him, but when he is with strangers he becomes gentle, kindhearted, hospitable and displays much good. Undoubtedly, this type of individual is deprived of success and has strayed from the correct path. We ask Allāh for safety!" [Nayl Al-Awṭār 2/246] 2. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝘄𝗼 𝘁𝘆𝗽𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿; good character that is inborn, and good character that is acquired with effort The Prophet ﷺ said: “You (addressing Al-Ashajj ’AbdulQays) have two characteristics which Allāh loves: gentleness and deliberation.” He asked: Have I acquired them or has Allāh created (them) my nature? He ﷺ replied: “No, Allāh has created (them) in your nature.” [Sunan Abi Dawud (5225)] [recommended reading: 'Upright Moral Character' by Sheikh ’Uthaymeen raḥimahullāh] Therefore, if you have a character flaw try your best to fix it. Don’t expect your wife to endure life with your inadequacies. If you nag learn to quit. If you are prone to anger learn how to manage it. If you are impatient learn patience. If you are vindictive learn forgiveness. If you are oppressive learn to be human. If you are insolent learn obedience. If you are miserly learn generosity. Learn to be considerate and understanding rather than being selfish and self centered. Learn to admit your character flaws and work on fixing them. The fact that all humans have flaws does not mean all human flaws are tolerable! 3. 𝗣𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝘄𝗼 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗺 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽; because there's bound to be differences - no matter how much you try. 4. 𝗧𝗼𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗿𝘂𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗿𝘂𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝘂𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝗶𝘁. Marriage should not be like a millitary camp where rules are rigidly set, and where breaking a law leads to grievous consequences. Marriage shouldn’t be without rules either, but the rules should have a human face, after all, the foundations of marriage are built upon affection and mercy. Remove these two from marriage and you will just have a prison yard with two adults living together as husband and wife. 5. 𝗦𝘁𝗿𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗻 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘄𝗶𝗳𝗲. Once you and your wife understand each another, other people's input will be irrelevant to your marriage. But this takes a lot of effort, sincerity, opennes, commitment and communication to build. 6. 𝗛𝗲𝗹𝗽 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘄𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲: Al-Aswad ibn Yazīd asked ’Ā'ishah raḍhiyallāhu ’anhā: “What did the Prophet ﷺ use to do at home?” She said, “He used to help his family, but when he heard the Adhan, he would go out.” [Bukhāri & Muslim] Here are some practical examples: Example 1. If you wake up after your wife, don't leave the bed undone. Clean the bed and tidy the room. Imagine how pleased she would be if she left the room to prepare breakfast and returns to find everything neat and tidy. I'm sure she'll appreciate your kindness. How not when you've given her one less thing to worry about. Example 2. When she's in the kitchen washing the dishes etc., approach her from behind, hug her and kiss her on the neck, then offer to wash the dishes. I'm sure she'll refuse your offer; her hands are already wet and she's probably almost done.