BENEFIT 464: Upholding Kinship and Cases where Boycotting is allowed

Sheikh Sulayman Ar-Ruhaili hafidahullah states: The term arhām (kin) in the context of maintaining family ties (صلة الرحم) refers to a person’s relatives from both the paternal and maternal sides. Thus, paternal uncles are considered kin, as are their sons, maternal uncles, and their sons. Scholars have stated that the closer the relative, the greater the obligation to maintain ties with them. All relatives should be connected, but the level of connection varies depending on the degree of kinship. The stronger the relationship, the greater the responsibility to maintain it. For some relatives, a phone call may suffice; for others, visiting them on special occasions is appropriate. Still, for others, consistent and regular contact is required. Every relative from either parent’s side is considered kin, but the manner and frequency of contact differ based on how close the relation is. As for when it is permissible to sever ties with a relative, the general rule, dear brothers, is to maintain those ties. Unfortunately, today we see a growing distance among people—even between siblings. You may ask someone about his brother, and he responds vaguely, indicating he hasn’t seen him in a long time, even though he may live in the same neighborhood. In some cases, cousins live next door to each other, yet have no contact. Many people have begun to prioritise worldly affairs over these noble values. If you ask someone, “Why don’t you maintain contact with your relatives?” he may respond, “The world keeps us busy—work, business.” But this (صلة الرحم), in fact, is a form of trade with Allāh. By Allāh, an hour spent visiting a relative brings you closer to Allāh, and He may open doors for you in this life and the next in ways only He knows. When is it permissible to boycott a relative? Severing ties for worldly reasons is not allowed, except for a brief period—no more than three days. Islam permits a three-day break to allow the heart to calm, but one must not extend this. If two people meet and turn away from each other, the better of the two is the one who initiates the greeting of peace. One of today’s unfortunate realities is that some relatives remain estranged for over a year. When asked, “Why don’t you visit your family?” one replies, “They’ve cut me off.” You suggest visiting them, but he says, “No, they should come to me.” And if you ask the other, he says the same. Subḥān Allāh. My dignity is on the line. The Prophet ﷺ defined dignity, saying: The better of the two is the one who initiates Salam. If you take the initiative, you are considered the better one by the testimony of the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ, and you will be free of sin. The one who severs ties bears the burden of sin. As for religious reasons: if the relative is a sinner (fāsiq) or an innovator (mubtadiʿ), he should first be advised and reminded. In the case of a sinner, if one believes that severing ties will lead him to reflect and abandon his sin—perhaps because he holds you in high regard—then breaking ties is permissible. But if distancing yourself brings him comfort and emboldens him in his sin, thinking, “Good riddance to the one who always rebukes us,” then it is better to remain close, as your presence may restrain him. In the case of religious innovation (bidʿah), scholars say that the innovator may be boycotted for the sake of Allāh if doing so serves a benefit—either for him or for the one boycotting him. If proximity to him poses a danger—such as leading one into false ideologies or misguided hizbiyyah—then one must keep a distance, even if the person is a close relative, for the preservation of religion is paramount. Likewise, if boycotting him benefits the Muslim community, especially if the person has status or influence, and not doing so might mislead others, then he should be boycotted. People might otherwise say, “If he were truly misguided, so-and-so—known for his piety—would not associate with him.” In such cases, the boycott becomes a duty.